Disciplining your kids with love and dignity
Nod if this sounds familiar: You and your family are at home, things have been going fairly well, when, out of nowhere you hear the scream: “MOM!” You know no one is maimed or bleeding so what could possibly have resulted in this urgent cry for intervention? It could be the wireless signal isn’t working, your child is bored, or siblings have gotten into a quarrel about whose turn it is to walk the dog. You find yourself starting to get frustrated because these are not good reasons to scream for your help. And you retort, more curtly than you had hoped.
Parenting isn’t easy. Some days can be wonderfully fulfilling and go just as planned while others quickly turn into a horror show. Here are some tips and resources to help you manage the emotional ups and downs of parenting without losing your cool and help your kids regain theirs.
Positive Discipline: Use this method as a way to reduce behaviors. The principle underlying positive punishment is to add an unpleasant consequence in order to reduce the unwanted behavior. Positive discipline us For example, your child is rude to his sister and calls her a name. You then require your son to write an apology note (unpleasant consequence) to his sister explaining why his name calling was not appropriate behavior. Be aware that consistency is key when using positive discipline.
Redirection: Rather than focusing on the negative or undesirable behavior, point out other options for her to engage in. Your focus on the positive can help reduce arguments and pushback from your child. For example you give your toddler a toy to play with instead of the tv remote. With older kids you can give them options for alternate activities or behaviors: go for a walk, do a puzzle, draw/color/paint, bake, mow the lawn to earn some money.
Single word reminders: Keeping your reminders short and casual in tone is much more effective than a long drawn out explanation. Your kids will hear the reminder and are less likely to tune you out. Rather than telling your child to pick up his dirty socks and put them in the laundry hamper or put your dishes in the dishwasher, or make your bed, reduce the instruction to one word: say “socks,” “dishes,” “bed.” The casual reminder will help your child to remember household expectations without defensiveness.
“Energy” Consequences: Many parents feel drained after refereeing arguments, debating and negotiating requests and demands made by their kids, or constantly reminding kids to keep up with their daily responsibilities. Energy consequences use this experience to your advantage. When you are faced with yet another debate about how much tech time you child can have today, let her know that you won’t have the energy to get pizza tonight for dinner if you need to keep discussing this topic; with siblings who are arguing again and asking you to intervene, you can respond by letting them know they need to take their argument elsewhere because listening to it will drain your energy and you won’t be able to get their rollerblades out of the shed.